I have no idea why married people fight? I guess it all boils down to proximity.
I have no real meaningful answers, but I am writing to recommend to anyone who hasn’t seen Jerry Seinfield’s new show, “The Marriage Ref”. I heard a bad review of the show (on NPR), but I have to say that I have thoroughly enjoyed watching other couples negotiate the murky waters of annoying habits, bad fashion choices, and creepy hobbies (I’m talking to you puppet man). For whatever reasons, I enjoy knowing that other people have fights that consistently come up and that they make it through, that they are able to laugh about it. I you haven’t seen it, it comes on Thursday nights at 9pm Central Standard time. Watch and let me know what you think.

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I am teaching a unit on Africa in my Honors Geography class. We were talking today about the health issues that exist there including Malaria and HIV/AIDS. I have tried to make it a policy in my classes to be precise and honest with my students about sex and the human body (any time you say sex students wake up and start listening which is a bonus). Per this policy I started asking students about what HIV is, how you get it, and what it is like to be infected. They were clueless and I was shocked. We talked about the scenarios in which infection of any kind of STD can occur and again my honors students were stumped.

During my planning period I did a little investigating and found a number of very revealing and useful statstics on the Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) website. I shared this with other classes and again found some students uninformed. When I told them that Birth Control Pills and Patches don’t prevent STDs I saw a few revealing faces. Again, I was honestly thinking, “What the heck???” We spent longer then I thought talking about this topic today and I hope that my students will listen and make some smart decisions about their sex life; that they will wake up and get informed.

We have a responsibility as educators and adults in a society where sex is everywhere. I asked students to guess what percentage of American students have not had sexual intercourse and they guessed numbers like 25%, 14%, 30%, etc. In 2004, the majority of students (55%) were estimated to not have had sexual intercourse. What is the cause of this, you ask? Television and advertising I say. Any 5 minute segment of television is bound to have numerous sexual allusions or images galore.

But all this so far has been my commentary on our educational system, legislative priorities, parenting methods, and the media and entertainment industries. I started thinking (and I’ve been doing this a lot lately), what if this where my very own child? Would I want them to have condoms and be taught how to use them? Would I put my daughter on birth control pills? I want to emphatically say no. But the the honest answer is I don’t know? I don’t have kids now, but what if I did? How would I, on the one hand, develop a child with a healthy sexual view of them selves, while on the other hand create boundaries for enjoying this gift with the right person at the right time? My answer: that’s why I married a therapist.

Maybe the answer lies in the question? I think lots of kids are severely over-sexed. They believe that it is normal to be promiscuous and with multiple partners and the students who do not not feel pressured to have sex are prone to view sex to be “dirty” or “evil”. Developing a healthy view of sex in the right context is a task desperately needed for today’s teenagers. Boundaries are the other difficulty with teens. They need to learn some relational skills, but guiding them through where to go and not go is as tricky as anything I can imagine.

There are parents out there who do not even have the skills to get their kid out of bed for school, let alone create any influence in the kids sex life. This is my shameless plug for therapists in school settings. I talk with parents regularly who seem lost as to how to handle their student and are desperate for some help. There is no one in our public schools really equipped with the tools to help parents with their students. Employing therapists in our schools is the answer to this issue. Better parents make better children. Why would we not want this?

This is as serious a situation as any facing our youngest citizens today. It is a problem among teens of every age, race, and economic status, and I can say little other than the fact as an educator I see the effects of this daily. There is work to be done and changes to be made and we are all responsible and we all can be a part of the solution. This requires us to speak up: to our kids, to the media industry, to doctors, to our legislators. I will not be easy, but it must be done. The risk we run in silence is far too high.

All the people in the world

and you are who I choose.

I cast in my lots and bind myself,
my future to yours.

Like old stories of Ruth and Naomi

we will gleen what we can and look to our ancient

bygones for help.

And somehow we will be…just fine.

I wrote this last year, but never published it. Maundy Thursday is rolling around soon and I think it still applies.

I have felt the kindess of hospitality, of meals shared with friends. I have felt the lonliness of long nights and the betrayal of ones close to me. I have denied my association with friends when it was advantagous to me. I have cared for people when they were in crisis. I have washed my hands when I should have used them to stop an injustice. I have watched friends suffer from the loss of loved ones. I have (not often enough) set aside my desires for the good of others. In all these ways I find the myself in days leading up to Christ’s crucifixion.

I atteneded a tenebrae service on Maundy Thursday. As we entered the sanctuary there were lit cadles. As the scriptures were read to follow the stations of the cross a light was snuffed out until, with the crucifixion, we were left in total darkness. We exited in silence.

I realized as I was driving home that I feel Christ’s compatriots, their emotions, deeply and freshly. I empathize with their loss, I confess to be unfaithful as they were. What I also relized is that this is, too often, where my experience ends. The feeling of leaving that service in silence and darkness has pervaded my experience with Christ in the last few years. I have lived a sort of christian half-life. I am stuck in the darkness of the crucifixion. I, like the disciples, have  mourned the loss of the presence of Jesus, the presence that I once knew and now feel sometimes without.

It is a hard place to be and a place that lingers in-spite of my vain attempts to shake off the shadows. I am working to find my way out through God’s grace and perseverance in my life. Ready for Christ’s resurrected light.


“Any idiot can face a crisis; its the day- to- day living that wears us out” -Anton Chekhev

It is the mound of the lesser that makes great our burdens; the small loneliness that erodes the soul…I can’t help but feel this way on days like today. Rich Mullins said, “we are not as strong as we think we are”.

Be near us in our troubles, O Lord.

we should keep this up

The people I love the best

Jump into work head first

Without dallying in the shallows

And swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.

They seem to become natives of that element,

The black sleek heads of seals

Bouncing like half-submerged balls.

 

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,

Who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,

Who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,

Who do what has to be done, again and again.

 

I want to be with people who submerge

In the task, who go into the fields to harvest

And work in a row and pass the bags along,

Who are not parlor generals and fields deserters

But move in a common rhythm

When the food must come in or the fire be put out.

 

The work of the world is common as mud.

Botched, is smears the hands, crumbles to dust.

But the thing worth doing well done

Has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.

Greek amphoras for wine or oil,

 

Hopi vases that hold corn, are put in museums

But you know they were made to be used.

The pitcher cries for water to carry

And a person for work that is real.

 

by Marcy Piercy

This says all that I want to say…